Yes...I have finally compromised and given in...

After years of promising never to get on AIM, I am now connected.

I'm not gonna lie...it feels good...

Blue Funk

And here comes the blue funk...

The term my girlfriends and I now use to unaffectionately refer to those days.  Oh you know what I'm talking about.  Those days when you just can't seem to get anything right.  When you wanna cry but you have to just keep on truckin.  When that boy just doesn't pull through.  When you've just had a fight with you mom.  When you studied hard for the test you failed.  When the sun just refuses to shine.  When, for no reason at all, you just fell, well, funky...

So I sat down to recieve some encouragement from the Lord, maybe hoping just a little that He would let me wallow in self-pity. 

Scripture of the day: Phillipians 4:4-7

For those of you who recognize the verse, I can only assume you're cringing with me.  For those of you who don't, allow me to refresh your memory...

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Umm...yeah, so down with the blue funk and up with...joy.  Harder than it sounds sometimes.  So out I pull myself from the pits and smile.  Yes it is a good day.

Rejoicing...check

Requests Presented...check

Now bring on the peace...

Currently Listening The Two EP's By Rock 'N' Roll Soldiers Funny Little Feeling see related

Who am I?  

This question has secretly been pounding in me lately.  I used to be defined by the sports I played, who I was friends with, my family name, and on the list goes.  Now I'm not so sure any of those things were ever really me. 

Nathaniel Hawthorne once wrote that no man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.  I know I am not who I want to be, but I don't know how to become that person.  That person who is enough. But I can't be perfect. I'm just me.  And I guess I just have to learn to be okay with that.  

So I'll go wash face, jut my chin out, and say to my reflection in the mirror, "You're gonna be okay."

And at some point that, gonna be okay, will turn into an, I am okay, and I'll remember that the first step to becoming the person God wants me to be is realizing that I'm not already there.  So I'm okay with me, but, more importantly, He's okay with me.   

Currently Listening Broken By Seether (Ft Amy Lee) see related

Self-doubt...it's a scary thing when you are alone in your room and you let your mind wander among the things you never let yourself think about.  The things that scare you.  The things that overwhelm you.  The things that you want to do, but you are afraid to try.  

The funny thing about your dreams is that, no matter how big they are, God's dreams for you are even bigger.  But am I strong enough?  Do I have what it takes to make an impact...to change people's lives?  God says that he called me by name and that I was created for his glory.  I don't want to waste my life regreting the things I never did...wandering if I had taken a chance what could have happened. 

So I will tackle the things that terrify me...the things that I can only do through Christ.  The one resounding truth that will continually echo throughout my spirit and my actions: No Regrets.        

Currently Listening A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar By Dashboard Confessional Am I Missing see related

Why is it that just when you think you have life all figured out, something comes along to remind you that you know nothing at all? 

It's in those moments, when you find yourself on your back, staring up at the sky, screaming why, that you get reminded how truly small you really are.  Those moments when your very soul is cringing, when uncertainty seems to seep into every crevice of your spirit.   I wonder if God sits up in heaven laughing at my feeble attempts to control my universe. 

Why is it that faith is so hard?  Why can't I just trust that He's in control?  Letting go...my constant struggle.  No one can deliver out of his  hand, when He acts no one can reverse it.  (Isaiah 43:12) 

Don't get me wrong...I love the Lord and I love my life...but there are moments when I just don't understand.  Moments when the very ground beneath me seems to be sinking.  Moments when my emotions threaten to spill over.  Moments when I forget that He's in control.  So I know that He has a plan and that eventually eveything will resolve itself, but until then, I'll continue to lie on my back, wrestling with life's complexities and to stare at the sky wondering, why?